Same Same but Different

We'd selected our hotel in Hoi An very carefully and booked it on the basis that it had cable TV with BBC World. The Royal Wedding footage kicked off with a BBC World version with Mishal Husain outside Buckingham palace and I was a bit concerned we were going to get some odd BBC World Asian version of it but at 3.30pm it flicked over to Hew, Chris, Fern and Matt and for a few hours, we were back home. Historically, I've been quite anti-Royal but in I've softened in recent years and in particular as a result of this trip. One of the questions we often get asked is "when is your independence day?" and the fact is, we don't have one as everyone else gained their independence from us (chortle). In Scotland we have Burn's night which is kind of our "Scottish Celebration" but we don't have any form of "British/UK Celebration" apart from events surrounding the Royal Family; be it the Queen's birthday, Trooping of the Colour or a Royal Wedding. Yes, they're un-elected, maybe they do cost the taxpayer some amount of money (although I would imagine in the scheme of things it's not that much) but they do bring us a huge amount in tourist revenue and it would be hard to imagine the UK without them. So I view the Royal Wedding as an excuse to celebrate the UK - we do pomp and pagentry better than anyone ese in the world and it's a spectacular sight, whatever your political opinions. It's worth noting in particular that people wave Union Flags, not Royal Standards. For us particularly, this was a way to feel a bit close to home from so far away. Also, two young people are in love, they're getting married in spectacular fashion and we all get to watch. People back home get to have a day off and do some serious partying if they want. Isn't that a nice thing? It's a shame that there was quite so much anti-wedding vitriol on Facebook.

So what did we think? We'll, it was one of the most well-oragnised and beautifully executed bit of pagentry I've ever seen. I thought they both looked great, good choice of hymns and certainly a good choice of vows. I wasn't too keen on the anthem or motet mind but I've always hated John Rutter with a passion. Overall, fab and I really hope they have a long and happy marriage, particularly when so much of the rest of their family has buggered it up big style.

Anyhow, back to Vietnam. Our hotel really was stunning - balcony, Air Conditioning, breakfast included, hot an cold water and for the first time in ages...a kettle! This meant that we could boil water for drinking - buying water is a constant chore and makes a considerable hole in our budget.

Actually, that brings me to our budget which is a topic that many people ask us about - how on earth are we budgeting and therfore affording all of this? Well, the UK Chancellor would have fun understanding our budget but I'll have a go at explaining.

First of all, we have the daily budget. That's money we've saved from employment, gigs and generally living frugally while we were earning in Edinburgh. It's £30 a day for the two of us whch sounds like very little and to be honest, sometimes it is. To keep track of it we have a running total and running average and I'm proud to say that as a result of a lot of Couchsurfing and a lot of extremely kind friends (particularly in the USA and Canada), we're currently under budget there. That means that we can afford a tour in Mongolia which is great because otherwise we'd get to see nothing but Ulan Bator and we hear it's not that nice.

Second, the "extras" budget. This is a small amount of money that's coming in as a result of renting our our flat (to our lovely tennants Matt and Nat who always pay their rent on time!) and a bit of web-work that I'm still doing. We keep this for big expenditures such as our Inca Trail, Greyhound passes and and Japan Rail passes.

Third, we have the redundancy budget. This is money that I got when my contract ended at the University of Edinburgh. Most of it went on our New Zealand Campervan.

Fourth and finally we have the surprise budget. Over the course of our trip we've had a few quite extraordinarily kind people give us small amounts of money - particularly at Christmas and birthdays. We tend to roll it all together and spend it on something that we wouldnt otherwise have done or live a wee bit of luxury somewhere. That was where our posh Bangkok hotel and ladyboy show came from for example.

Then we anally write down everything we spend in a little notebook and do constant calculations at a bad rate of exchange so we know where we stand!

So there you have it, the truth exposed and the question that everybody wanted answered, answered.

So, back to Vietnam (again). Hoi An was a lovely place, possibly even our favourite place in South East Asia so far. It reminds us a bit of Trinidad in Cuba, gorgeous, low colourful buildings slightly crumbling but in a really good way. In the evening you can walk by the river which is lit-up by chinese-style lanterns and candles floating in paper boats. It's true that it is really touristy and you do get the usual offers ("hey, you wan't motobike?", "you buy, happy hour?") etc. etc. but they're not too persistant. We took a load of wanders round the city and out to the beach as well which is a little less trashy than the one at Nha Trang.

We also by chance met up with Joe, a chap from Yorkshire who we'd previosly met in the hostel in Saigon so we went for some drinks with another guy (Julian) he'd acquired who was also travelling the world. We actually ended up staying longer in Hoi An than we'd planned as all the transport out was booked due to a holiday but we really didn't mind. We were happy just to sit on our balcony and relax. We even had breakfast on our balcony instead of in the hotel dining room which was a really great thing to be able to do. It was just a lovely few days, peppered by repeated Royal Wedding Highlights on BBC World which we didn't really mind seeing again.

One of the things we tried to get used to was bargining for things. This is something we found quite extarordinarily difficult. All the sellers will give you a massively inflated price when they see that you're a foreigner and it's then your job to try and get them down to something close to the local price. The thing to bear in mind though is that they will turn you away before giving you the actual local price as they see it as your duty to pay more as you're so rich and affluent and clearly have money to fling around. Also, there's a massive difference between those selling goods for tourists and those selling goods in markets to locals. Those selling to locals don't care quite so much as they'll just sell to the next local who comes along whereas those selling tourist stuff will hassel you incessantly as you're their market (and so few people buy from them - they're everywhere, all selling exactly the same stuff). We found that trying and failing a few times with different sellers is helpful as you get an idea on what the local price might be (or what they're willing to accept from you). It also helps not to care that much about buying whatever-it-is as then you're prepared to walk away and when you do, they'll chase you down with a better price. Finally, you have to do it all with a smile. This is something we found really hard, despite our usual cheerful and sunny characters as we find the whole concept of taking the oh-so-rich-and-stupid foreigners for a ride offensive but we did get better as we went on through Vietnam. A good strategy was to bring they fact that they're overcharging you out into the open in a funny way "look at her grin, she knows she's overcharging us!", "What? I could get six of these for that price at home, you've just spotted my blonde hair!", etc etc.

One thing that we didn't bargin that hard for (and perhaps maybe we should) was the dress that Charlotte had tailor made. If you've seen the "Top Gear" Vietnam special you'll know that Hoi An is the Saville Row of Vietnam and everyone comes here to get clothes made on the cheap. Almost every shop is a tailor or shoe shop, hung with all sorts of beautiful things. Charlotte decided to get a dress made and had sketched some ideas so we were in the market. Ideally, we would have gone to loads of tailors, discussed the ideas, get quotes, beat them down etc. but we really couldn't be bothered with that. Our hotel had punted us in the direction of the tailor they own and since we really liked our hotel we decided to check them out. They were very friendly, professional and helpful modifying the dress from Charlotte's ideas and sketches to something possible. Measurements were taken in the morning a fitting in the evening and after adjustments, we picked up the finished product 24 hours after walking in in the first place. Quite impressive" It was a gorgeous fit and looked amazing on Charlotte and was a price she was happy with so all was good. Maybe we could have got a lower price with a bit more effort but we really didn't care. We do feel bad for having broken every rule in the Hoi An shopping book, though.

We were definitely sad to leave Hoi An as we'd really loved it and settled in. Our hotel was just spot on, we'd identified a Vietnamese sandwich person who made sandwiches we really liked (Vietnamese sandwiches really are the thing), we'd identified a curry place we really like (Ganesh's - highly recommended), asigned ourselves a "contemplation bench" by the side of the river for lunch-eating and thinking of big thoughts and even made a couple of friends in Joe and Julian who we met up with several times for dinks and nosh. Our transport out was a "sitting bus" to Hue and then another horrid "sleeper bus" to Hanoi. There were more people sleeping in the aisles (unoficial passengers methinks) and the toilet was blocked and like a pond. In case you're ever in Vietnam, the company not to use is "Camel Tours" and they were also responsible for what happened next.

Our bus arrived in Hanoi and one of the bus guys gave us a long speech about how if we hadn't booked accommodation the we could have a free transfer to "their" hotel where we'd get a good price. We'd already booked anothe place (as we always do) so we were ushered into a taxi which we knew we'd have to pay for but it was OK as it had a meter. The driver put our bags in the front seat which meant that we couldn't see the meter so we had no idea what the fee was going to be. Our hostel had told us that a taxi should be about VNF60 000-VND80 000 (about $3-$4 ot £2-£3). When he stopped (after going to the wrong hostel first), the price on the meter was VND490 000 ($24 or £16) - it was clearly rigged and this was a scam taxi. We argued but he told us it was a "long way" (yeah right) and after a bit of a fuss we managed to get hime down to VND300 000 ($15 or £10). He had the doors locked and wouldn't unlock them until I'd handed over the money (clearly well practiced at this game) so we eventually made our escape but we arrived at our hostel raging. The hostel folk were very nice and sympathetic - I think they're used to it. NB there's not very much you can do to get out of this kind of situation, but someone later told us that a tactic you can try is to start taking photos of the driver and taxi. This might scare him into submission.

Fact is, we're trying to do this tour to understand and respect other people's cultures but what's the point when people clearly don't respect us? From Thailand through Cambodia to Vietnam this has been constant and I've said it before in previous posts - we are viewed as walking ATMs. So far my impression of the people here is that they are selfish and disrespectful and it makes me a) not want to be here and b) not want to encourage others to come either. I have to confess that I was perilously close to finding us the next flight out of Vietnam back to the UK (Charlotte's note - I wouldn't have agreed to that!) as I couldn't see why I should remain supporting a tourist economy that is both crooked and unpleasant and the whole experince made me more homesick than ever. I calmed down after a shower and a bit of breakfast and the knowledge that it's not long to go now. The taxi company not to use is "Taxi Trung Viet" with the number "62 61 61 61" on the side.

Hanoi was an assault on the senses after the relative calm of Hoi An. The number of scooters had skyrocketed and the applicibility of driving rules had diminished significantly. We had found our friend Joe from Hoi An (who'd had a similarly horrible journey but at least hadn't been scammed) so we joined forces and went to explore the city. It was a bit grubbier than Hoi An but certainly had a charm with some really nice colonial buildings. It also had a lake in the middle which was great to walk round and we even managed to cross the motorway (death defying things that we are) and investigated a non-touristy area.

That evening another fellow UK traveller, Julie arrived and we met her over breakfast the next morning. In true backpacker style we joined forces and headed into Hanoi. Charlotte and I were the experts by this point so we were able to do the directing. We had another wander around the lake before heading to the "Hanoi Hilton", a former prison where the French held Vietnamese dissidents and the Vietnamese later held captured Americans. Propaganda abounded with the Vietnamese referred to as "comrades" and the French the evil imperialists. They claimed that the Americans were treated well with regular parties, letters from home, entertainment etc. but it's hard to gague what was really true. It was really interesting though.

We took in the Cathedral that afternoon which looked strangely out of place in Hanoi. We also found a restored traditional house which was really nice and had a gramophone and a James Brown record. Traditional indeed!

We managed to find a nice wee street-restaurant that evening which had a selection of things to BBQ which you could point at, have BBQd and then be charged for. It was pretty good and not expensive at all. There we also met and joined forces with Clemens - a German chap travelling on his own and looking for some friends.

The next day was our cue to go and visit Dead Uncle Ho (Ho Chi Minh). He was the leader of the Vietnamese struggle against the French and then later the North Vietnamese effort. He died at the age of 79 in 1969 - long before the war was settled. He had originally requested that he be cremated and his ashes scattered all over Vietnam to signify a united country but that was ignored, and he was embalmed and laid in state at a mausoleum in Hanoi. It was a bit of an adventure getting to it. We met at our hostel and headed towards the citadel. The hostel staff had marked a route through but that turned out to be blocked by a guard with a gun who then chased us off as we stood looking confused at our map. Eventually we found our way (via a long way round) within sight of the mausoleum which had a massive grassy area in front with paths so we started heading accross to the sound of whistles blowing and guards chasing us off. After lots more walking we got to security where our water bottles were removed from our posession and our cameras impounded to be picked up after we'd been through. Closer to the mausoleum, the guard uniform changed to white, I was signalled to remove my hat (which I would have done anyway thank you) and we were in. For maybe 1 minute we processed past the slightly ghostly looking figure with it's wispy beard. I was prodded by one of the guards on the way round - we reckon he didn't like me walking with my hands behind my back which is odd as I've always seen it as the most respectful way to walk and I was really doing my best. It's worth going to (but you can only get in if it's before 11am and not Monday or Friday) simply for those few minutes of gorgeous refrigeration within the building. Afterwards we took a look round the Ho Chi Minh museum which was completely incomprehensible with Ho Chi Minh's various good deeds represented by fruit, a brain-type open area and a Picasso-style sculpture. More of a weird art gallery than a place of information. Befuddled, we took a look at the Temple of Literature before lunch at "Koto" which is a training restaurant for street kids to learn to be waiters, chefs etc. It was a wee bit more expensive than our usual fare but was really good and had a really nice atmosphere.

We all boarded the bus the next morning to Halong Bay - probably the #1 tourist spot in Vietnam. The bay had 1969 limestone islands which tower into the sky and loom spectacularly out through the mist. The way to see them is to book an overnight stay on a boat - there are about 400 tourist boats in the bay of varying quality but we'd managed to get a good and inexpensive one through our hostel. Many people had been worried about Halong Bay trips due to the news story about the one that sank, and all the deaths. And indeed, we did watch one of the other boats sinking in the bay on the first day. Hmmm. We started off with a fantastic lunch with crab cakes and plenty sea-food and then floated out towards Sung Sot Cave where we took in some of the rock formations including a giant turtle and a huge penis pointing at a nicely placed hole in the roof. It was then a bit of kayaking, some jumping off the side of the boat (I declined but Charlotte had a go!) before a spectacular sunset and a splendid dinner. It was a great cheer-up after our unpleasant bus and taxi experience a couple of days before. We made our way back to Hanoi the next day and bid our fond farewells to Julie and Clemens who were starting the trip south. It was been really nice to pick up and join forces with some fellow travellers for a few days (and with Joe and Julian a few days before) - maybe we'll try and do that again to help us deal with the madness of China. That evening we tried Bun Cha at a down-at-heel looking place recommended on Wikitravel. You get a bowl of flame grilled beef meatballs, some beef slices, spring rolls, loads of salad and herbs and more noodles than we could eat - fantastic food but the rudest service we'd come across so far in the whole of Asia! Oh well.

So that was 'Nam. We had one day around the hostel chilling and planning before boarding the bus that would take us to China. It turned out to be one of our easiest border crossings yet. The bus dropped us off and a golf cart picked us up and took us to the Vietnam exit bit. You basically had to fling your passport through the window and hope that one of the officials would pick it up, stamp it and give it back to you. There were loads of people crowded round the window and we were the only westerners. Eventually, one of the officials (a man) spotted me, found my passport an immediately started complimenting me on my hair. I think he hadn't noticed the beard and was chatting me up. He was then a little confused when he saw my photo with short hair. We escaped that to another golf cart which took us to the Chinese entry point. I'd been pretty nervous about this as I'd heard that they can be a bit nippy, sometimes confiscating Lonely Planets for example (as the Chinese LP has a map with Taiwan in a different colour than China and of course as everyone knows, Taiwan is part of China.). They turned out to be very friendly and easy going however and a very nice guard showed us how to have a machine scan our passports and print a form so we didn't have to fill it out by hand. I had a bit of a heart-stopping moment when the passport-checking guy spent ages looking at my photo, looking up at me and then repeating the operation, clearly confused by the short-hair/long-hair dichotomy but after consulting his colleague gave me the nod and let me in. Customs didn't even bother looking at the X-rays of our bags as they went through and thus, we were in China and heading off on another golf cart to our bus. Easy!

But a final word on 'Nam. I think it was our favoutite of the SE Asian countries but clearly still has it's issues. Maybe that's epitomised by the "Same Same but Different" T-shirts a lot of the Western tourists wear (everywhere in SE Asia. Everywhere!). It derives from the fact (we think) that if you've got the choice of two tours (for examples) and one's cheaper and you ask what the difference is, you frequently get the answer "Same Same". This is probably not the case and the truth is that they will, in fact will be different and probably not in a good way. Also a reference to what locals tend to say when they're ripping you off - 'same same Vietnamese!' The T-shirt seems to be some kind of bitter comment on local culture, but the locals have adopted the slogan too.

I can only really say what everyone says after visiting...."You don't know man, you weren't there!".